Pain Vs. Suffering In The Time Of COVID-19
It’s painful to cancel travel plans, to see our government have a lackluster response to the pandemic, and to be shoved aside when you try to get groceries as people make panic purchases of the last bag of toilet paper. COVID-19 is causing a lot of emotional pain, not to mention the physical pain for those who become infected from it, as well as the pain of those whose loved ones we may lose. Life is pain, and this pandemic is a jarring reminder. But the suffering you may be feeling from it is completely optional.
What Is Pain?
Pain is an actual physical response to an uncomfortable stimulus. For example, you are walking around the house and you stub your toe against a leg of a table. Pain can also be a mental or emotional level, such as the pain you feel of losing a loved one. Pain is a normal response. Pain is a signal and tool. It teaches us to avoid unhelpful behaviors, like putting your hand on a hot stove, or reminds us to bend our knees instead of using our back when we pick up a box. Pain is experienced in the present. Stub toe —> feel pain.
What Is Suffering?
Let’s go back to that stubbed toe. Hours later you can think about that moment you stubbed your toe and get really angry at yourself. You could say to yourself, "Oh my god! Why did I stub my toe?" or "Who put that table there?" You can get really frustrated about it. Maybe you’ll even tell yourself terrible stories about yourself, "Hey, you are so clumsy and dumb!" Suffering is all the judgments and meanings you create about the painful event. Feeling the pain, but then thinking about it and getting upset about it is living in the past. That is not being present. Suffering is the upset you feel about a painful past.
Stop Suffering By Letting Go Of The Past
Another way of looking at this idea is illustrated by the Buddhist story of the two monks and a woman:
Once there was a senior monk and a junior monk traveling along the countryside. They came upon a river with a tumultuous strong current. As they secured their packs and rolled up their robes to cross the river, they saw a beautiful woman trying to cross as well. Seeing the two monks, she asked if they could assist her to the other side.
Without hesitation, the senior monk picked up the woman carrying her across the river and placing her on the other side. With a smile and word of thanks, the woman bid them farewell and the two monks continued on their journey.
Walking in silence for hours, the usually talkative junior monk says to the senior monk, “You have broken our vow! We are not allowed to touch women and yet you carried the woman across the river!”. The senior monk smiles and laughs in reply, “Brother, I set her down many hours ago on the other side of the river, why are you still carrying her?”
Pain Is A Part Of Life But Suffering Is Optional
Will you be the junior monk, holding tight to that painful experience and let it seep into your current life? Or will you be the senior monk who let go of the pain? So yes, it’s okay that you feel pain when someone rudely grabs the last pack of toilet paper right when you are about to reach for it. But you don’t have to suffer by making up stories about it later. Life can be painful but suffering is optional.
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Life can be painful, especially during this pandemic. But suffering during this time is optional. Learn to see the difference between to pain and suffering, and notice how you will begin to feel.
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